Shopping Experience (Humor)

[Bear Chow]

Well, my sister passed away last year and now I was having serious issues. She's been giving me socks for Christmas since I was ten years old. Two packs of ten sets. The same socks mind you, same brand same squiggly mark on the toe white crisp and ready to go. We'll you may have noticed Christmas came and went and I really, really need new socks. My son's are all to small and my daughter's just barely fit and sometimes they're pink. I was going to ask my wife but figured, I'm a thirty-seven year old man, I can do this.

So off I went to the local Wal-Mart. There are two aisle FULL of socks. Damn, now what. I picked up a pack, Nope that’s not them. Try to stare through another package, again no. I began to panic, this is not good. I wasn’t going to be able to do this alone

So like a hawk looking for prey. I began jutting my head left, up, down, back to the racks left again, then right. There has to be somebody that works here. I spotted her, a blue smock wearing front tooth missing princess. She must have caught the sense of being watched and ducked down behind some bras and panties. I guess she didn't realize I kind of like looking at bras and panties.

"Excuse Me!" I said. I can't believe she didn't here that. So I walked over to her.
"Oh, yes what are you looking for," She finally acknowledged me?
"SOCKS", excited I was going to get some help, I put my toe to my heal prying my shoe off. Then I reached down and pulled up my pant leg, "THEY LOOK LIKE THIS, But not as grey and they're usually thicker when there new."

She walked away around a corner, I stammered over there as quickly as I could trying to squeeze my foot back into my shoe.

Gone, where did she go? Surely she wouldn't just abandon me. Walked back to where she had been spotted and back to the sock aisle. Damn it, I knew I was over zealous must have scared her away. This is going to take a bit more thought. I hid behind some children’s clothes. Some mother will help, she'll take pity on me, she’ll ease my suffering if I'm just patient.

I see one, mid 50's a Grandma out this late at night. I was excited but bid my time. I buzzed by her to get her off my scent. Rounded a corner with my head down and package of randomly selected socks. Five feet from her, I looked up made eye contact and looked back down at the package. Quizzically staring and extended my arms a bit and looked again. The hook was set.

"Excuse me", I meekly said, "I need help."


This story was taken from true events, some of this is fictional but not nearly as much as you would expect, and this was not meant to offend any Blue Smock Wearing Front Tooth Missing Princesses.

I love new socks.