Funny craigslist ad

[jlynch]

http://evansville.craigslist.org/cto/4202138683.html


1975 Jeep CJ5 manual transmission

I should start by saying that if you are looking for a "Pajama party Barbie jeep" you my friend, should keep looking. If you are looking for a short description of to the beast before you, I can offer you two words "MEAT & POTATOES". This is the All American chariot of the free world.

You are not dealing with any ordinary, cookie cutter jeep son. This thing was forged from a single block of all American Tungsten Steel. Real sturdy! From that day forward my life has never been the same. pull yourself off that couch and see if you can handle this 258 Jeep CJ5.

So if you are looking for a rice burning hatch back, a solar powered liberal mobile, or even a Hyundai crossover keep on looking my friend this thing is a piece of red white and blue Americana Machinery.

This baby's pulse is pumping 258 cubic inches of uncensored raw fuel through her straight 6 nuclear power plant. And rest assured this is no metro feminine automatic. . .you command her to obey, with your calloused hand planted firmly on the shifter. And she will obey, the first time, every time. If you can't handle your stick shifter, or reach the clutch pedal, you better not ferry skip over here wanting to test drive her. If you stall her out, you can count on getting hit in the face with a piece of re-bar and sent back where you came from.

It doesnt have A/C but are you kidding me. . ..Really! If you want to blow the sweat off your brow, you do it the old fashioned way: windows down. "What if it rains?". . .You whiney *****! I told you to stop reading. . . Any man who drives this beast doesn't give a damn about rain. Not even skin melting acid rain, Cause he's already dripping wet in blood, sweat, dip spit, and fish guts.

If you are looking for the kind of jeep that has to be pansy parked in the garage, so the "tub doesn't get wet and soggy" Then you should plant your Obama sticker on some Japanese piece of ****. Cause this thing has drain holes in the floor and rhino lined to let the blood drain out from the buffalo you just killed, with your bare hands. Because you are William Wallace from Braveheart and when you get home you can leave your "sissy sponge glove car wash kit" in the pink bucket it came in. Go ahead and spark up your 6000 psi heated pressure washer on the dually trailer in your man cave, cause you are Tim Gillespie and you can pressure wash your jeep on the inside.


And forget about putting one of those "wrangler" stickers on this machine cause when you're spotted in this American Classic there will be no questions, no further explanation required, people will understand and get out of your way. . . . .real quick.

If you think you're ready to park this panty hauler on your tract of land. If you buy this jeep you better go get your old lady ready for some damn changes around your lair, cause this **** will be happening. What will be Happening? Glad you asked. . ..

1. More chest hair.
2. You're growing a beard.
3. Meat Only Diet.
4. T-Rex for a pet.
5. You're taking a job at the lumber mill.
6. Your car carries five kegs.
7. Penis enlargement.
8. Catch more fish.
9. Wire bristled toothbrush.
10. Sex in the yard.
11. Sex in the garage.
12. All male offspring.
13. Chiseled jaw line.
14. Not giving a damn.
15. Flesh turning to steel.
16. Higher salary
17. Promotions.
18. Better looking wives.
19. Better looking mistresses.
20. More golfing
21. More killing stuff.
22. More dead animals in the KITCHEN freezer.
23. More tools in your garage.
24. Bigger TV
25. Wife takes out the trash
26. Four Wheel Drive
27. Wife brings trash can in from road.
28. Wife stops *****ing about clothes on floor.
29. Wife stocks fridge with beer.
30. Chuck Norris.
31. John McCain
32. Steaks for dinner.
33. Winning the Lottery.
34. Women on the side.
35. Wrestling with bea
36. Building **** out of stone.
37. Riding Lawn Mower.
38. Bon Fires in cul-de-sac.
39. Bar Fights.
40. Wife picks you up from Thee Gentlemen's Club.
41. Craftsman Tools.
42. Jay Bisset.
43. Welding stuff.
44. Digging holes.
45. Huge Piece of meat.


Sounds good doesn't it?

This jeep has carried me through thousands of miles of battlefield twice as gruesome as the second half of the movie "300″. . ..And just like a trusty steed this juggernaut has never left me stranded. If you think you've worn her out you drag this beast back to me in any condition. And Ill handle the rest.

But if you think you're going to get to whip this mule you better pony up Two Thousand Dollars. . .American Cash. I'm not selling you this truck unless you are clearly a pure blooded American Species, so don't even think about it. (1812)-217--zero-eight-four-eight
Location: evansville
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

[tbshakie]

that is frickin' awesome!